Thursday, October 2, 2008

big bad bullies.


how could you NOT love this kid?? cheesy smile and all... he's funny, smart, cute and i love all of his silly quirks and codyisms. i guess all parents feel that way about their kids, or at least should. i understand that my kid is not perfect, but he's pretty darn close.

there's a kid in cody's class that has become a real problem for me. and for cody. i can't figure out why, but for some reason he segregates cody and chooses him as the kid he doesn't like. we dealt with him all last year and we even had the pleasure of having this bully on the soccer team i coached. which gave me a first hand experience dealing with him. he gets some of the other boys in class on board so they all follow the popular alpha male, and do what he does. i dropped cody off to line up in front of his class this morning and watched from the car as the boy, we'll call him K, told the other 3 or 4 kids to get away from cody. they basically played a game of keep away while cody stood there, not really sure what they were doing. i understand that children joke around every day with each other, call each other names, and some times take part in some fairly physical play. this is a small incidence but the kind of thing that happens often with K.

last night i asked cody about his friends at school, and who he sits by at lunch and almost cried when he said, "mama, i don't have that many friends. just michael, taylor and bella. the boys that pay with K don't want to play with me." my defense for this has been to really try and instill a big, strong self esteem in cody by always telling him the things he is good at and how much we love him. i try to tell him to remember how it makes him feel when those kids are mean for no reason and to never treat the other kids the same way. and to stick up for the other kids who get bullied. kind of teaching him about bulling and that K is acting out. this is a power imbalance between the two. cody is nearly a year younger than some of the other kids. he's a very young 6 year old 1st grader, with a july birthday (...something i HIGHLY reccomend considering before enrolling your kid in school.. he was more than ready academically, but there is so much to be said about a year of maturity in both girls and especially boys...)

bullying hasn't so much been physical, but comes in other forms of intimidation from K. he can be verbal, or just a sneer or glance. i try to tell cody to blow him off and not let the boy get to him. and that the best way to defuse a bully is not to show him that it affects you. basically to laugh it off and act like he doesn't care. at the beginning of the year when we discovered this boy was in cody's class, he was mortified. i told him to try the best he could to become his friend or at least treat him the same as he wants to be treated and to stand up for himself. i don't want to run to the rescue everytime he has an issue. i want him to be able to have enought confidence to handle things so he doesn't become a wimpy boy.

i'm thinking about getting him in to some kind of martial arts program. and not just for the defense part, but for the confidence building as well. what little boys doesn't want to be aggressive? even when they play, boys want to have swords, and make guns sounds, be soldiers, warriors. it's healthy. thats the way boys are.
i remember cody said, "mama, when can we see brian and grahm(his cousins) again? i ike playing with them... sometimes boys just gotta fight," referring to the times when they get to play together and wrestle and be boys. for some reason, brinley- his litte girl cousin buddy, just doesn't get into this stuff ;) and cody understands that.

i've talked to his parents who are both nice people, ( ...but who are divorced... and send K to before & after school daycare...) they are aware of his behavior. i think a lot of it is him acting out because there is a lack of stability at home. dr. laura (who i usually love) talks about this a lot: split up families, and how it affects kids. maybe it's good that cody's getting a dose of this at a young age. maybe he can figure out how it works and get through it while he's young. cody will have the same class for 2 years. they do a looping program here where 1/2 & 3/4 grades are combined with the same teacher and kids for 2 years. so, most likely we'll have to deal with this little turd for awhile....

9 comments:

Kaisa Bailey said...

ok, I'm kind of dealing with the same thing with Lakai. There isn't a particular kid, but he says things like "mom, when I sit on the rug, everybody scoots away from me". It literally kills me. There are quite a few kids in the before and after school care and are without their parents for long periods of time....and they're usually the troublemakers. When I work in the classroom, they ALWAYS need reprimanding and extra attention. It just goes to show how important parents are, and good ones at that. These kids aren't getting enough attention and our perfect little babies (: get to pay for it. I FEEL YOUR PAIN....
Maybe it's that crazy July 2nd Birthday
It makes me wish Lakai and Cody could be best buds and live next to eachother...

Arah said...

K is a turd! He drives me nuts too.
Poor Cody... I could just see Cody standing there in line and those kids being mean...makes me sad. cody is such a cute kid and wouldn't do anything to anybody. Cody is such a mellow kid and so sweet, just teach Cody to do the right thing, he will do fine.

CrazyMomof7 said...

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. Unfortunately I can't tell you that it gets better. Last year in 7th grade Zachary had to deal with a bully. It started with small things that lead to bigger things. When he slammed Zacharys face into the front of a locker and broke his glasses I got the Principal and the boys parents involved. I would like to say that it ended with that but it didn't. They ended up moving the boys locker and changing some of his classes. His parents made him pay for Zacharys new glasses.
Right now we have a neighbor who is being a bully to Jonathan. He chokes him to where he has red hand prints around his throat. I am close enough with his mom that we are trying to take care of this problem.
I feel that it is important that our kids learn how to deal with bullies because it is a fact of life. As an adult there are bullies out there. But as a mother is is our job to protect our kids. I would get the principal and teacher involved. Ask them to watch the boy. Tell them that you have been in touch with the boys parents. Work together as a team because when little kid bullies get brushed aside they turn into big kid bullies and adults in trouble.
Good luck. Sorry this got so long.

Darla said...

julie!! I'm sorry! That can be soo hard as a parent, to see your kids suffer. Sad. Anyway, I'd invite to kid over for a playdate. Is that crazy? I could be totally wrong on this one, but my first initial thought was to talk to the teacher/principle and try to get the kid or Cody out of the class, etc. But then I thought of the poor kid and what he deals with (both emotionally and possibly psychologically). Would a playdate even work? Maybe if you did the invite? I don't know, just a thought. Kids can be pretty forgiving...fortunately.

Lisa Farman said...

Wow that is hard. I know it must take everything in you to stand back and let Cody try and deal with this on his own. I have to say it would certainly be hard for me to not talk to the kid myself. Although I doubt that would help much. Cody is a tough kid, he'll get through it and be a better person because of it. I think you are doing a great job and are going about taking care of it the right way. You should look at Kick N' Fun for the martial arts. They have a great program and we are thinking of putting Hyrum and Noah in there.

Marnie said...

Chloe saw this picture and thinks Cody is cute. The first few times I went to pick Chloe up from preschool she was always by herself on the opposite side of all the other kids. I cried. I always had Andrea, so it was hard for me to see her alone. She has now made friends though. It's better to have one or two reall friends rather than a lot of fake friends.

Anonymous said...

martial arts sounds like a great idea...couldn't hurt if anything!

Kera said...

This post broke my heart. You forget just how hard kids can be on other kids. You are doing the right thing by boosting his self esteem. Getting him involved in physical things like sports can really be a confidence booster and help him to meet friends.

Kera said...

The child I really feel bad for though is K. I can just imagine what his future is going to be like :(